Thursday, March 6, 2014

A Story of Stephen

Despite the fact that he is the son of a man who probes penises for a living, Stephen Aguilar has turned out fairly normal. This 16 year old has somehow escaped years of therapy and walks the halls of BHS with a smile upon his face and sockos upon his feet. But don't let his sunny disposition fool you; his heart is lined with more spikes than his perfectly gelled hair. And what is the crux of the Aguilar boy's problem? You see, Promposal season has officially begun. And with hoards of teenage boys storming the aisles of party supplies stores for car-taggable markers and latex balloons, Stephen has no lucky lady to present a cookie cake adorned with the word "Prom?" to. This sad fact most likely correlates with the surprisingly low statistic of BHS girls fluent in FIFA. Lately Stephen's entire attention has been focused upon advancing his professional folk/bluegrass banjo playing career, which has put a damper on the hunt for a prom date. But Stephen's biggest problem lies in the fact that he is an all around good guy. These days, girls want a Bad Boy Bieber, sadly Stephen does not drag race during the wee hours of the morning and has only peed in a bucket once (but he doesn't like to talk about that). So for all you ladies in search of a knight in shining Patagonia, look no further. If you would like to make this lonely boy's dreams come true, feel free to contact (479)586-9978: serious offers only please. And if this blog post doesn't convince anyone, I know of one ravishing female in room 151 that's still in need of an escort.