Monday, March 10, 2014


Well folks it's the monday after. Gallons of teenage sweat and glow-stick residue have been washed down the shower drain, but the shame still remains. This blog post will most likely be a short one due to the fact that what happens at blacklight stays at blacklight (and the newsfeeds of 100+ students). Though there was a 100% decline in the number of couples engaged, this year's Blacklight (not)Rave was a success. It's a wonder that the festivities were able to go on considering the copious amount of delays and setbacks that plagued Blacklight. The student council was dismayed when the school's go-to electrical company refused to break the law in order to shut off the six emergency lights in the East Gym. The naive electrician who shut off these lights last year is most likely sitting in the Benton County Jail for breaching fire code. It appeared that the Blacklight dance would turn out to be the Brightlight dance -but as always- REYNOLDS (Jack Barry) HAD A PLAN.  After crafting a cardboard contraption to cover up the blaring lights, it was decided that there was no way students could shamelessly sweat upon each other in the blaring sun that was the emergency lit East Gym. The dance had to be moved. With forty five minutes to spare, transforming the pb&j caked floor of the south commons seemed like an impossible feat (StuCo was still blacking out entrance ways when patrons first arrived to get crunk). Nonetheless, under the beautiful dictatorship of Reynolds, blacklight was saved. 

Until the blackout. But blowing a fuse nowhere compares to the travesty of providing the chaperones with flashlights. It's difficult to choose between the male makeup/fur wearing sophomore or the young overzealous chaperone as the scariest sight at Blacklight. Mary Bowman Cooper was told by one responsible faculty member that she was "gross" and should "respect [her] body." If this flashlight toting peacekeeper found the whitest girl alive's moves "gross" one can only imagine what he thought of the subliminal sexual undertones of "Bat Attack" or Jack Barry's shaved armpits. Despite the faculty's attempts to light up the night and shame students, the tigers were NASTAY as ever (here's looking at you McCollum). The bible belt's hottest Caucasian rap(?) duo Underground Batz took the stage in an award winning performance and over the course of three hours only ten students entered epileptic seizures! Six of which were caused by said UB performance... All in all it was a night to forget. As we regain the use of our legs and our hearing is restored, I think it is important to remember the wise words of Blacklight Queen Jenna McCollum..."We can't stop and We won't stop".