Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Flying the Coop(er)

In the Jungle of BHS there is no species more bewildering than that of a Cooper. From Momma Cooper to MBC, these creatures continue to intrigue and astonish us day after day. From barely legal bonfires to stints as prima ballerinas, the Cooper girls know how to get down and wiggle around. Where would the North Office be without the Tuesday baked goodness that is Cynthia Cooper?
The worst kept secret of North West Arkansas is that the ladies of Cooper prefer Jews. Fortunately, Cynthia did not seal the deal under a Chuppah and the world was blessed with Mary Bowman; the girl every asian wants to be and every girl wants to skin and wear the flesh of. But it takes a lot of effort to be perfect and MBC continues to be wrongfully held responsible for her own supremacy. Much of Cynthia's hard work has been overlooked. Until Now. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mrs. Cynthia Cooper. If this lovely being was not there to plug MBC into an outlet at night or change little Mary's batteries every month, the world would posses one less A+ teenage cyborg. Cynthia takes her job very seriously. After all, the world isn't going to dominate itself. So move over Virgin Mary for never has anyone been more #blessed than when Cynthia Cooper received the gift from God that is Mary Bowman. Talk about some IMMACULATE CONCEPTION! Once MBC grows into that new boho chic afro and Cynthia receives her big girl business degree (courtesy of Woo Pig Sooie High) this duo will be unstoppable. Mary Bowman being her weapon of choice, Cynthia plans to takeover the world... one Ivy League University at a time (excluding Columbia of course, anything that churned out Barack Nobama is clearly below the Coopers). Anything/one that tries to get in their way will be destroyed and baked in to a delicious pound cake or transformed into a fabulous DIY throw pillow. And don't let appearances fool you. A girl responsible for the creation of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrwQePl1NNM may not seem like a threat, but her heels are designer and she WILL gauge your eyes out with them. So everyone prepare, graduation is only a year away and (after spending a lifetime eating only advanced math equations and tree bark a la CrossFit) MBC is hungry for blood. Plus with Matriarch Cooper pulling the strings, she's bound to satisfy every craving.

also MBC's bedroom wall is adorned with a cow skin.. I didn't know how to work that into this post, but like why is this family so strange (PERFECT)